The pain is becoming unbearable. It is pressing down on me, trapping me into the darkness. Suddenly, all the weight is lifted off of my shoulders as I glimpse a bright light. Then everything black
“Her vitals are wavering.” “She isn’t stable.” “Take her to emerge.” “Help her please.”
Voices, voices fusing together, a constant pounding to my aching head. I can’t feel what I am lying on. It is like I have lost control of every part of my body and I am floating in air. I feel numb, empty, and worthless. I breathe in, out, in, out, hearing an almost rhythmic, mechanic sound. I want to say something, anything that will indicate that I can understand them, that I am alive. But I can’t form any words. I can’t even move my mouth. I begin to feel the darkness surround me and I start to fade again. But something stops me. A familiar voice pulls me out of my restless slumber. It sounds feminine and sweet, whispering calming words to me.
“Lola, please, my darling, come back to me. Ju-just try to wake up.” I hear soft crying fill the silence.” Please, please help my little girl. I can’t lose her too. She-she’s so special, I love her so so much. Please, just please” Her crying slows until she is whimpering and occasionally hiccuping. “The doctor said that you might be able to hear me. I-I love you. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better, but I just need you to know I love you”.
I try to open my eyes. I need her to know I can hear her. I try again, but I just can’t. My eyelids are heavy and even the thought of lifting them causes me pain. Imagine you are stuck in a desert with only one bottle of water. You can see the water, you can almost smell it, but you can’t bring it to your lips. It is a never-ending torture that inflicts the worst kind of pain: having no control. I hear footsteps leave the room and I am on my own again. I feel like the darkness is laughing at me for being so vulnerable. I am so tired and all I want to do is sleep, but am I already sleeping? My eyes are closed. I try to let myself fall to the rhythm of my heart, trying to use the darkness to my advantage, but then I realize that it’s the darkness keeping me awake. It’s like a vast space where nothing happens and you just feel so alone. But, at the same time, you are afraid that the darkness is going to swallow you up and you will be stuck turning in emptiness forever.
Time starts to feel more insignificant the more I lay here. I am not sure if I have been here for a day or a month. It is always dark and it is always – – –
Beep, beep — silence.
By: anisa mansour