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Prom Prep – A Satirical Step by Step Guide to Preparing for the Biggest Night of Your Life

Step 1: Start a juice cleanse 2 weeks before prom

Juice cleanses are targeted to brighten skin and remove toxins from your body.

Step 2: Remove all hair from your body

The goal is to feel like plastic, you want pristine barbie-looking skin

Step 3: Get a spray tan

The kissed bronze tan has faded since your winter vacation to maui but you still want to look like burnt toast. Hop into the booth and hope you don’t come out orange.

Step 4: Secure hydration

Drink 4 swells a day and apply your favourite moisturizer every hour

Step 5: Pick up your dress

You bought your dress in November but the straps were too loose. The tailor took it and told you it would be a month until it was done. Now it’s 3 days before prom and you just got your dress back only to find that the straps are too tight now.

Step 6: Get a hand on the acrylics

The french manicures are the most popular.

Step 7: Leave school early

Pre-prom starts a 5 but you have to still get your hair and makeup done. This will take at least 2 hours and school only leaves you 1 hour and 50 minutes not including driving time. Most people leave at lunch so you can have extra time incase a plan goes awry. Just kidding, don’t leave school early; that’s skipping and the AdVerum, nor Collingwood condones this behaviour.

Step 8: Spraying the Hair and caking on the Makeup

This is the least stressful part of the process because everyone has picked out how they have wanted their hair and makeup done for months.

Step 9: Go to Prom

After all the planning and prepping you have finally made it to the end of the journey. If you’re still up for it, go! If not, there’s always Netflix. Just kidding, you better go! See you there 🙂

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